Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
