Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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