I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
