Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
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