remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
