So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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