I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
