You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
