the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
