Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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