I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
