Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
