Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
