Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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