i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
