He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
