Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
