I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
