Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
