i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
