I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
as a side note pls kill me
Randomize
