ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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