I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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