im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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