coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
