My hand turned me down
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
