Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
