you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
This toilet bowl is my home.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
