yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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