it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
