I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
