i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
