that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
