Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize
