my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
