well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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