update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Randomize
