even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
