I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
