Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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