Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
In other news, I just burned my penis
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
