Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
