oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
