I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
My pussy is not your playground.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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