life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
