a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
