There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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