Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
