Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
