She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
