with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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